Fortune

I got this fortune cookie at the sushi place yesterday:

Milkshake Busters Challenge #4

The next (I believe 4th) Milkshake Busters Challenge has been announced! We will each have one month to prepare...

FATBLOG DEFATIFYING CHALLENGE!!!

Yes! It's finally come! Each contestant must select one item from the infamous thisiswhyyourefat.com and healthy that son of a bitch up! Now keep in mind, some of these recipes, in order to remain as their original post, will have fattening elements. It is your job, however, to take something from the fatblog and turn it into an everydayish meal. Points go to healthiness, creativity, difficulty level, and closeness to the original.

Go forth and make their milkshakes healthy... then drink the shit out of them! Your time beings... NOW!



Keep in mind, all those who abstain from participation may be subject to loss of posting privileges.

FISH > YUENGLING

Look at that fish. look at his beady little eyes. i ate him. yes i did! i ate him right up.
him and his brothers. the red snappa' brothers. i ate all of them. like the gangsta i am, i first laid them on a bed of salt (that i added some whipped egg whites too). also i stuffed those mothah fuckahs with some lemon and onion and garlic, because THAT IS HOW I ROLL.
look at them all snug in their beds made of salt! so cute. that's like 5 pounds of salt there. and like 6 whipped egg whites. that's a lot of salt.
here they go -- into the oven at 425 for 30 minutes. there's no real way to tell when they're done, so just know that a 1.5 lb fish wrapped in about an inch or more of salt will take 25 minutes to cook. TRUST THE TIMING. i added a few more minutes because i cooked two fish to the pan. i mean bed. bed of salt.
then... then i cracked that salt right off. and threw it in the GARBAGE. fucking salt. it also got everywhere. but not inside my fishies! awesome. they have dead eyes now. right when they came out of the oven, the eyes were all swelled up because the liquid inside boiled, but then after a few minutes they caved in. animal eyes are cool.
yeah, this is me de-skinning those delicious fishys. you take that skin right off and the meat inside is delicous and moist. and surprisingly not salty at all! omg. i'm going to have to tell you guys about going to the fish market in trenton. oh man. matt just threw me off track for a second. where was i?
oh fuck yeah. that's such a good combination. dale's pale ale (the best beer in existence in a can) (also Matt says it's damned delicious and he's got a pretty good repoire when it comes to beer tasting) (also it's just a fact) and some red snapper. oh yeah, i was going to tell you guys about this place - ok, so. FISH AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE. seriously. like 30 varieties of fish, all ready to be de-scaled and de boned and gutted and everythign by my helpful mexican de-fisherizer. he was amazing. there were also tanks of live fish in case i wanted to take home my own tilapia for a pet. also, there was a WALL of SHRIMP. i almost lost my boyfriend to grocery section! and whole rock crabs and blue crabs (but only the females which is just tragic because they take em out of the waters and then who will be there to make the next generation of little crabbies for me to eat?)lauren got really grossed out by the eyeballs. and the spine. personally, i like looking at all the parts of something i'm eating... i mean, hell. it's going inside you, you might as well get a good look, eh? am i right?

oh the remains. the best parts were the fishmeats on teh bottom of the fishies because the juices soaked through all the lemons and garlics and got just a touch salty and it was amazing. that's my fork right there, i was picking the remains. YUM.
greg says "THIS FISH IS BETTER THAN YUENGLING" and then got in a philosophical discussion with matt about how yuengling is just adequate and then john terry piped in with how yuengling is to beer what dante's peak is to movies. but everyone agreed that the fish was better than both of those things.
and that's what's left. not too shabby for less than 10 bucks a head! (including salad and greenbeans as a side dish) (also there was a tart that i made from almost overripe fruit that was pretty bangin but is an entry all its own) (BEN WHAT? TOP THAT WITH YOUR MINI EGGS. I DARE YA, and matt just fucked your milkshake)

butternut squash fries

I whipped these together as a treat to prevent myself from crying over my math homework. Peeled and seeded butternut squash, cut into sticks, kosher salt, olive oil, bake, eat. I had them with some aioli on the side.

breakfast like WHOA

OK SO: ben, quit bitching. here's some picturesque deliciousness which even features EGGS and JOHN TERRY!!!! Woooooh!

we made somethign amazing. this is the pancake batter. it includes sour cream, beaten egg whites, RICOTTA!! lemon juice, and yes... you're seeing those yellow flakes! that's lemon zest. i fucking LOVE lemons. this is going to get even more delicous. you cant wait.

Here... here we have the pancakes cooking. they're like an inch thick and so awesome. FLUFFY GALORE.


Ok so, on the side we got some molasses. Grandma's molasses. the ORIGINAL kind. we dont fuck around with the molasses.


You ready for this? we cooked the EGG in the MOLASSES.
THAT JUST BLEW YOUR MIND.


And this is how it turned out. dripping, luscious. full of the sweet stuff. (kind of wierd)

Final plate:
we took some powdered sugar and put a teaspoon of fresh lemon juice in it and smushed it around and put THAT on the pancakes! amazing!


Even JT said "yeah, ok. these pancakes are ok! awesome."
and that's the end of that chapter.

Marinated Pork

Marinated pork and veggies over a bed of sushi rice and wakame. I used a mixture of honey, mirin, miso, sesame oil, and garlic and let it sit over night. Turned out excellent. Very tender. The extra pork fat and drippings were great for the veggies. Sushi rice turned out really well too. No I didn't rinse it. I like the extra starch. At the last minute i threw in the wakame so it soaked up a little of the water and was just finished at the same time as the rice. Good stuff. Still waiting on someone else to post.

Lamb

Weeknight dinner collaboration. Lamb, mashed sweet potatoes, and steamed asparagus. Comes with excellent gravy.

Who's Your Frydaddy?

Because I've been called out, I will tell you all about the time I was woken up to a wonderful text message. Being that it was my day off, the time was 8pm. As per the message, it was time to deep fry something. I had recently acquired an electric deep fryer via the internets and my housemates decided to christen it. Here are their stories.Above, Blake batters some chicken. These babies were amazing. Below is the chicken strips sitting on a rack draining. They were first floured, then egged, then floured, then egged, then floured. Wonderful crispiness.Those bitches look gooooood, right? Well they were. I also wasn't satisfied with just christening on chicken so I pulled some other stuff out of the kitchen to fry. It didn't all make it in. Below are the oreos and pickles prefry.The oreos didn't make it, what did hit the cut were the pickles and some fries. Below are the fried pickles, french fries, and the final table layout before dinner.As you can see we baked up some biscuits and threw down some excellent beers. By the end nobody was sure whom would have the first coronary. Excellent bathroom time was had. The fryer is still holding the extra oil for later use when we can finally throw down on those oreos. All are invited.

BEN I'M CALLING YOU OUT

today i made an apple pie. it was just ok. and i forgot to take a picture. there was cheese on it.

but this post isnt about my pie. it's about ben.

BEN.
I HEAR YOU ARE COOKING.
WONDERFUL THINGS.
AMAZING THINGS FULL OF EGGS.

where are all of your posts?
if you dont post soon, i'm going to stalk your kitchen, make your meals, and post them myself. THEN WE'LL SEE WHO DRANK WHOSE MILKSHAKE THEN.

le quiche du moi ooh la la

Pardon ma French, but I couldn't rehzeest..

I made this quiche two weeks ago, and am just posting the documentation of it now..

Elli and I took a lot of photos, and I was intimidated by the thought of having to organize them so it took this long... Anyways, here's what happened:

The crust:

I'd never made pastry dough before, so I thought I'd try it..

1st, the flour,

mix it with sliced, then chilled, butter until it's "grainy" (LOTS of butter):

Then take out some chilled vodka

and put in 2 tablespoons and then start mixing into the dough:

Then mix in a little water until it feels right, and mush it up with your hands.

It shouldn't be too sticky (too much water... mine had a little bit too much water, but it worked out okay.)

now listen to Sir Mixalot until you produce a nice pile of sweet buttery dough that scents the kitchen air.

Next, wrap it in cling-film/plastic wrap, place it on a plate, and make sure your wrap warps a little in the photo (I just got a new wide-angle lens for my camera that morning, maybe contributing to my obsessive pic-schtick)..

Stick the dough in a fridge for 30 mins (or, if you wanna use it much later, freeze it, then thaw it before using it).

Meanwhile, dust stuff with flour..

and roll!

I think the stickiness of my dough (excess water) combined with guessed thawing durations made it hard for the dough to be right in time for the photo shoot and rolling pin.

So I had to kind of club it with my rolling pin until it was flattish.

Then I used my fingers and patted it into the baking pan. The butter in the dough was a little melty by now, and the dough was heading towards being a paste.

The foil goes on, then usually pie weights, if you have that. I used my cast-iron pan. Then stick it in the oven (350F) for 12-15 mins to half-bake it.

At this moment in time, you have completed a major task, and may also half-bake yourself as a reward.

Now the filling:

This part is super easy after the last part cos now it feels like you'll be making an omelette without the completely making an omelette. They are in the same area of the spectrum of French cuisine.

So, start with five large eggs,

and for 5 eggs, you need 1 pint of half-and-half or cream/milk mix,

plus seasoning (white pepper, black pepper, salt, cayenne, etc.)

Mix it up well, and add whatever else you want to it. I put in little torn-up pieces of broccoli, mushrooms. I forgot to photograph that part, so you'll have to imagine it.

Before you get lost in your imaginations for too long, don't forget to take out the half-baked crust in time! You want it to look lightly toasted.

Pour your eggy mixture in to the crust, and top with a good sharp cheddar. Then in the oven it goes!

I had excess mixture. Eggstra. So I poured it in the little cast iron pan, added some onions, and designated it my scout.

Basically it was a tiny but creamy rich fritatta cooking alongside its quiche cousin.


Now smell the kitchen and wait...

Keep checking on it and keep an eye out for the color of the surface, the color of the crust, etc.. No burning allowed! Not after all this effort!

When you're feeling good about it, stick a toothpick in and see if it comes out dry.

Then take it out when it's done and let it cool for a good 10 mins.

Greed and gluttony overtook and all patience was lost for photos. So all we got are these two pics of the last remaining piece, the runt, that we took the next morning:

The dough could've been "better" (less personality?) but it was still a pretty damn good quiche.

Capiche?